This one is for all my fellow millennial moms out there.

In the age of social media, comparison has become an uninvited guest in our lives, constantly knocking at our mental doors. As millennial moms, we find ourselves caught in a whirlwind of scrolling, tapping, and swiping through perfectly curated lives of peers, friends from high school, and influencers who claim to be “just like us.” The comparison game has evolved, and we’re left wondering why we’re feeling more inadequate than previous generations. Let’s explore why millennial moms struggle with comparison more and how we can reclaim our sense of self-worth in the midst of this digital storm.

The Changing Landscape of Comparison:

Previous generations often faced the media’s influence through fashion magazines, TV shows, and celebrity culture. While these outlets presented aspirational images, there was often a degree of separation between those images and our own lives. Fast forward to today, and social media has bridged that gap, allowing us to peer directly into the lives of our friends, acquaintances, and those who label themselves as relatable “influencers.”

The Rise of Relatability:

One of the key factors that contribute to millennial moms’ heightened struggle with comparison is the concept of relatability. These days, influencers present themselves as everyday women who share the same struggles as us. They’re not supermodels or Hollywood celebrities; they’re moms, just like us. This relatability, while empowering, can also be a double-edged sword. We may relate to their challenges, but we also find ourselves comparing our lives to their highlight reels. 

The FOMO Phenomenon:

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) has reached new heights in the millennial mom generation. As we scroll through our feeds, we’re bombarded with images of family vacations, perfectly decorated homes, and successful careers. The constant exposure to these seemingly ideal lives can trigger feelings of inadequacy, especially when we compare them to our own unfiltered realities.

We’ve all encountered those moments when we come across pictures of old friends from high school posing beside their newly constructed dream homes or capturing their third European getaway of the year. And in those moments, questions start to swirl in our minds – how do they manage all of this when I’m barely making ends meet? Why does it feel like I’m constantly struggling just to put groceries on the table? What’s wrong with me?

But let’s uncover the truth – there’s ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with you. As a therapist, let me assure you that the reality is far more intricate than what we perceive on the surface. That seemingly flawless couple with three impeccably dressed kids and a perfectly adorned house? They’re grappling with significant marital issues, enduring nightly arguments. And that incredibly photogenic influencer whose life appears devoid of bad hair days? She battles with anxiety and bears the weight of a traumatic childhood.

Let this sink in – no one is without their struggles. We’re all in the midst of battles that remain hidden from the gaze of others.

The Art of Curated Lives:

Social media encourages us to curate our own lives, presenting the best version of ourselves. This curation often leads to a skewed perception of reality. As millennial moms, we understand the art behind these curated posts, but that doesn’t make us immune to the pressure to create our own seemingly perfect online presence.

I remember a specific summer experience that serves as a stark reminder. During a weekend visit with my nieces, they wanted to go swimming, but I had procrastinated with my work and needed to get some work done on my laptop. In an attempt to balance responsibilities, I brought my laptop poolside, sitting on the lounge chair and working while they swam. After eventually finishing my work, I jumped in the pool with them, my sister taking a few cute pictures. We posed, and I enjoyed around 20 minutes of swimming before it was time for dinner. 

Later that evening I put a few filters on the photos with the caption,  “Love spending the summer at the pool with my favorite girls!”, I paused. In that moment, I recognized that I was inadvertently perpetuating the very idea I often criticize. The post made it look like I had a carefree day at the pool, completely leaving out the fact that I spend a majority of the time on my laptop- cause that’s not very glamorous is it? I laughed at myself, and decided not to post. And I use that example as a reminder whenever I see someone post something and start to get jealous, I wonder how much of this is real?

Reclaiming Our Self-Worth:

It’s important to recognize that comparison is a natural human instinct, and it’s not exclusive to our generation. However, as millennial moms, we have the power to redefine how we engage with social media and comparison. The first step is acknowledging that the images we see on our screens are carefully selected moments, not the entirety of someone’s life. 

Second, be intentional with social media. We ultimately have control of our algorithm and what shows up on our feed. If there is a particular influencer that you find yourself comparing yourself to a lot, unfollow that person. Be aware of who is on your feed, are they positive and uplifting? Are they genuine? 

Third, take a break from social media as needed. Be self-aware and know when it’s impacting your mental health and it’s time to take a break from social media for a while. They will all still be there when you get back, I promise. 

Finally, practicing gratitude for our own unique journey can shift our focus away from what we lack and towards what we have. 

Cultivating Authentic Connections:

While social media can sometimes foster comparison, it also provides a platform for authentic connections. Instead of letting comparison breed negativity, let it inspire you to connect with fellow millennial moms who share your struggles. Engage in conversations about real challenges, triumphs, and everything in between. When we engage authentically, we’re reminded that we’re not alone in our journey. If you’re looking for a community of authentic, real moms going through the same struggle, join us! 

Conclusion:

In an era where social media shapes so much of our daily lives, it’s no surprise that millennial moms find themselves grappling with comparison more intensely. However, we have the power to shift the narrative. By recognizing the influence of relatability, embracing our unique journeys, and cultivating authentic connections, we can navigate the digital world with intention and self-compassion. Remember, we’re not in competition with each other; we’re all navigating this complex journey of motherhood together.

Looking to explore more insights on developing deep and meaningful relationships with others? Tune in to my podcast episode where we dive deeper into this topic and discover strategies to foster deeper connections with others. Listen here: Moms Building Deeper Connections.